Pune: Asawari Kulkarni and Anil Yardi were leading a lonely life till they met each other. With their spouses passing away, both were having a tough time seeking some engagement to keep themselves busy. It was during this time that the two met at ‘Happy Seniors,’ an organisation that helps the elderly get company either by way of remarriage or live-in relationship.
Both Anil and Asawari were not sure whether they would want to remarry but they found the concept of live-in relationship doable and they wanted to give it a try. “I was not sure if I could be happy with remarrying at this age. Questions like what if things didn’t work out kept bothering,” Asawari says. “But after meeting Anil, I thought I could think of spending the last years of my life with him. We built a connection and after 10 months, decided to live together,” she adds.
At an age and time when the elderly are left to fend for themselves with children settling at far off places, Happy Seniors provides the much needed support and relief and is helping elders take a new look at companionship.
Founded by Madhav Damle, the organisation has so far organised 90 remarriages while many others have chosen live-in relationships. The idea struck Damle after he worked for 12 years with the elderly, where he saw how the aged men and women battle with emotional and social struggles, all by themselves.
Recalling an incident that became a turning point in his life, Damle says, “Years ago, I was running an ashram for senior citizens in Wai when an elderly man tried to end his life after a fight with his son. When I contacted his children, they did not pay heed, rather dismissed it as a normal happening. That was the point in life when I could gauge how vulnerable our elderly are. So I started thinking of ways that can ensure that they do not spend life in loneliness," he informs.
Initially, Damle was looking at arranging remarriages for senior citizens but that faced resistance from many quarters. Like the children used to raise voice against property issues. “Property disputes, societal pressure, and the stigma around late-life marriages proved major bottlenecks,” he says. “So I thought of giving them an live-in relationships as an alternative.”
In 2012, Damle formally began the Senior Citizen Live-in Relationship Board. Many criticised the step and tagged it as inappropriate or unnecessary. "But we never bowed down. With time, we conducted meetings, counseling sessions, and social gatherings among a cross section of the society to change perceptions. Today, we are happy that we stayed adamant," he smiles and adds that the initiative has brought together many elderly couples who might have otherwise spent their later years all by themselves.
The organisation has laid down some guidelines which are followed by those who are registered members. “We conduct background checks, and also do medical examinations, besides discuss on financial stability for participation. If a woman is financially not independent, a security amount is mandated so that she does not face any problems. We want to make sure that legal and emotional security are a must for every member who agrees to join hands with us," he adds.
Love Beyond Legalities
Anil Yardi explains, “When my wife passed away in 2013, I had nothing to do as my daughter too got married in Mumbai. Spending days was getting difficult. Though my friends suggested remarriage, I wasn’t ready. It was then that I got to know about ‘Happy Senior’. Meeting Asawari changed my life, it was indeed the best thing to have happened to me. Now we are together for the last ten years,” he adds.
Happy Seniors looks at the whole concept as building a community. Damle’s team organises monthly trips and get togethers where senior citizens meet and form friendships, irrespective of whether they find a true companion or not.
“I have seen quite a number of people being shy of such concepts maybe because they are afraid of societal norms. But after they experience the love and affection, their perspective changes,” Damle states. “Even families who were initially reluctant have now started accepting the concept after seeing the positive impact.”
However, ‘Happy Senior has been functioning from its own funds as it has not got any support from the government. "If we could get support, we would grow at a faster pace and take more elders into our fold to help them find companions. But that does not mean, without support, we would not work. In fact, here we all get that love, care, and companionship which are are not bound by age or external factors like funds," he adds.
For many like Asawari and Anil, life seems sorted. But for many others, even the choice does not exist. It is for such men and women, the doors of Happy Seniors are open - to love and be loved, to not remain alone or let the other feel lonely.
Read More
