Women's Day 2026 | The Self-Priority Paradox: Why Women Struggle To Put Themselves First
Women are often the backbone of families and communities, but when they try to prioritise themselves, they feel like they’re doing something wrong.
Published : March 8, 2026 at 2:14 PM IST
Let’s start with a small but uncomfortable statistic. Only 28% of women prioritise self-care, which means more than seven out of 10 women are putting themselves last on their own to-do list. Imagine running a company where the CEO spends all their time managing everyone else’s work but never checks their own health, energy, or well-being. That company would collapse in about three weeks. Yet this is exactly how many women live their lives.
Women take care of parents, partners, children, workplaces, homes, birthdays, school forms, groceries, doctor appointments, emotional crises and the occasional family WhatsApp drama. But when it comes to themselves? Suddenly there’s guilt. This strange contradiction has a name. It’s called the Self-Priority Paradox. Women are often the backbone of families and communities, but when they try to prioritise themselves, they feel like they’re doing something wrong.
The Guilt Economy of Women
One of the biggest reasons behind this paradox is guilt. Women are raised with an unspoken message: a good woman sacrifices. A good mother gives first. A good wife adjusts. A good daughter doesn’t complain. So women often spend freely on everyone else (education, clothes, health, comfort) but hesitate when it comes to themselves.
Meera Khanna, gender rights activist and President of the Guild of Service, says, “Women spend on everyone’s needs, then haggle with their own, sacrificing themselves on the altar of duty of a good mother wife daughter.” She calls this mindset unnecessary and outdated. “Here’s the hack: a woman who respects herself, her time and her boundaries is infinitely more respected, successful and happy. So take the nap, buy the lipstick, read the book. Guilt is a tax with no services rendered. Own your calendar, not apologies.”
Invisible Pressure At Home
For many women, especially those living in joint families, the pressure is even stronger. The expectations are subtle but constant. Be the perfect mother. Be the understanding wife. Be the respectful daughter-in-law. Every role is observed. Every action is judged.
Sukriti Mendiratta, Founder of Panda’s Box, describes this emotional weight clearly: “For mothers especially those living in joint families the pressure runs even deeper. There is an unspoken expectation to be the ideal mother, the understanding wife, and the respectful daughter-in-law, all at once.”
When a woman finally takes a little time for herself, it suddenly feels like a luxury she hasn’t earned. “In such an environment, self-care doesn’t feel like care at all... rather it feels indulgent, even selfish.” But the truth is much simpler. “The very women who hold families together are often doing so while emotionally depleted. But nurturing others without nurturing oneself is simply unsustainable.” You can’t pour tea into everyone else’s cup if your kettle is empty.
The Balancing Act Women Live Every Day
Even women who love their work and careers often find themselves balancing two parallel worlds.
Ina Puri, art curator and author, describes this juggling act. “In my own experience, it has been a particularly challenging time with commitments across the country and abroad with art shows and other related activities, yet throughout the business I had decided to set aside a window to take a break with my family.”
For her, balance is necessary. “To strike a balance is imperative, for a working person even more so.” And sometimes the contrast between professional life and home life can be amusing. “You could be in the midst of curating an exhibition at a biennale but someone from home will invariably call to ask what the menu should be for dinner.” If you’re a working woman reading this, you probably smiled at that line because you know it’s true.
“At home, the family will be most appreciative when you are trying a new recipe in the kitchen yourself. Somehow, that too is perfectly part of a day well spent.” The point isn’t that women should choose one role over another. The point is that balance must include space for themselves too.
Ancient Wisdom Got This Right
Ironically, the idea of self-care is not new at all. In fact, ancient philosophy talked about it long before Instagram wellness influencers appeared.
Acharya Anita, life coach and new-age spiritual mentor, points out that Indian philosophy has always emphasised balance. “In Vedic tradition, there is an increased emphasis on balance. Dharma talks about right alignment and not self-neglect.” Even the Upanishads, among the oldest philosophical texts in the world, carried a simple message: Know the Self. “With no inner awareness, the outer roles become exhausting.”
Modern life has made women busier than ever. But the ancient advice still holds. “Spirituality teaches us that the Self is not secondary. As women restore their inner balance, their energy becomes more in tune with their own needs.” Ten minutes of silent sitting is all that is needed, she adds. As breath steadies, the thoughts become steady. As a result, guilt weakens.
Ending The Self-Priority Paradox
The irony is clear. The stronger women become, the more everyone benefits. Healthier women raise healthier families. Confident women build stronger workplaces. Balanced women create happier homes. The Self-Priority Paradox exists because women are taught that caring for others must come before caring for themselves. But that thinking is slowly changing. More women are realising something important: Taking care of yourself is not abandoning your responsibilities. It’s what makes those responsibilities possible. The woman who holds everything together deserves to stand at the centre of her own life.
References:
- https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s41996-024-00142-6
- https://journal.uii.ac.id/Psikologika/article/view/29409
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